The following short is about a twenty-something year old woman and her sexcapades.
As I lay down on the vinyl white table, separated only by a piece of thin white paper, I pull up a sheet to cover what shred of dignity I have left. I take a deep breath and try to convince my self it won’t be as bad as I think. The intense smell of hospital disinfectant makes me feel nauseous. Maybe that’s its purpose. If otherwise healthy people made the right decisions in life, they wouldn’t have to end up here.
This is the second time I’ve been to the doctor for the same issue. I take a few moments to reflect on my past actions and what brought me into this situation. Each time I come here I get closer to figuring out who did it. Trying to find someone to blame, when the only person I can blame is my self. It was me who should have done things differently. Well, I can’t be that hard on my self; it’s not like I can see the future, but I should have used better judgment.
Believe it or not, I’ve only had two lovers in my life. Ok three. But one of the three doesn’t really count because we only did it once. I know that you should always use protection if you have sex. It’s been drilled into my head over and over again by my private school teachers and even my minister. It makes perfect sense. However, when you think you’re in love, common sense seems to fly right out the window. Now I’m laying here with no man in my life and facing the consequences of my actions: Alone.
Knock. Knock. Knock. The door opens up and the doctor comes in; a tall female who apparently doesn’t have time to waste. She asks about my allergies, tells me to put my feet up and scoot to the edge of the table. As she puts on her latex gloves, she finally asks me the important question. “So what’s the problem?”
The problem is, I keep making stupid mistakes, and I’m not taking care of my body, and I have to keep ending up here in this smelly hospital that makes me feel nauseous. “Itching and burning,” I tell her.
“Let’s take a look,” the doctor says as she sits on the stool between my legs.
“I’ve used every over-the-counter cream, ointment, spray and numbing solution I could find and it won’t go away.”
I think it could have been Caesar. We only did it once, and we didn’t use any protection. He was so fine with his six pack stomach, curly hair and perfect white teeth. I didn’t even care that we didn’t have protection. I just knew I was going to devour him like a box of my favorite chocolates.
Then again, it might have been Tyson. He was always so distant and secretive. I mean, why would he stand up a beautiful woman like me to hang out with his male friend?
“Ow! I can feel you poking around in my stomach.” I tell the doctor.
“You have red blisters on your cervix. Looks like- you have herpes.”
“What?” I didn’t hear anything else she had to say. Who could have given me herpes? It couldn’t have been Marcus. He was my first love, and I haven’t seen him in almost a year.
“I’m just going to swab and run a few tests.” I heard the doctor say in the distance of my thoughts. I should have used protection every time I had sex. Why didn’t I? Why didn’t I go to the clinic and have Caesar or Tyson or Marcus get tested? Why didn’t I just wait until marriage to have sex? If they really cared about me I wouldn’t be here right now. I have a whole life ahead of me. Had a healthy life a head of me. Now I have to burden these annoying symptoms for the rest of my life. I just want to scream. Aghhhhh!
“Don’t worry. You can still live a normal life,” the doctor said.
I can’t live like this for the rest of my life! How will I have a husband and a family? This could ruin my modeling career if this gets out. Now what am I suppose to do? I’m damaged goods.
I snap back into reality long enough to hear what the doctor has to say. “The lab results won’t come back for another day or two, but I can give you a prescription to start working on the virus.”
I nod. Whoever did this just doesn’t know who he’s messing with. I’m going to find the best doctor I can to make me a cure. I’ll pay whatever it takes. All I know about herpes is that you get it from having sex, it hurts like hell and there’s no cure. One stupid mistake can last a lifetime. I try to be strong, but I break down in tears in front of the doctor.
If no one can find me a cure, I guess I’ll have to start being religious. I’ve heard of miracles. And if miracles do happen, I sure need a miracle now.
By Denician Angeleia c2006
Monday, September 29, 2008
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Giving up the Goodies
To my online sisters. Be selective about the pictures you post.
It doesn't matter how beautiful you look, if you show a guy all your goodies up front he's going to want to use you for sex. Then he's gonna run fast. A relationship is suppose to build up to sex not the other way around. You are worthy of so much more than a nonchalant romp in the sack.
Think about it like this. Let's say it's your birthday and your parents buy you a gift. They don't wrap it. They just hand it to you. The gift is great but there's no surprise. An unwrapped gift takes all the pleasure and surprise out of your special day. That's how a guy feels when you show him all your goodies. The gift is great but it is de-valued because it was not appropriatly wrapped (dressed), nor is there time to build appreciation for the goodies. He hasn't earned it or done anything special to receive this gift (except turn to your online page.)
Here's another way to look at it. What's the one thing that guys like to do? Play video games. If a guy plays a game and beats the game on the first try. He probably won't want to play that game again. Why? Because it's too easy. You don't want to be easy.
You may not realize it, but what you're really saying when you do these things is "I have nothing to offer but sex and I'm not worthy of your respect." A woman that can wow a guy with her clothes on and keep her legs closed, is a woman worthy of a genuine relationship.
It doesn't matter how beautiful you look, if you show a guy all your goodies up front he's going to want to use you for sex. Then he's gonna run fast. A relationship is suppose to build up to sex not the other way around. You are worthy of so much more than a nonchalant romp in the sack.
Think about it like this. Let's say it's your birthday and your parents buy you a gift. They don't wrap it. They just hand it to you. The gift is great but there's no surprise. An unwrapped gift takes all the pleasure and surprise out of your special day. That's how a guy feels when you show him all your goodies. The gift is great but it is de-valued because it was not appropriatly wrapped (dressed), nor is there time to build appreciation for the goodies. He hasn't earned it or done anything special to receive this gift (except turn to your online page.)
Here's another way to look at it. What's the one thing that guys like to do? Play video games. If a guy plays a game and beats the game on the first try. He probably won't want to play that game again. Why? Because it's too easy. You don't want to be easy.
You may not realize it, but what you're really saying when you do these things is "I have nothing to offer but sex and I'm not worthy of your respect." A woman that can wow a guy with her clothes on and keep her legs closed, is a woman worthy of a genuine relationship.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Why doesn’t he call?
If you exchange phone numbers with a guy, you obviously have some interest in him right? Then why is it that it takes so long for him to call? Well according to Sherry Argov of "Why Men Love Bitches," a man can easily gauge how much a woman wants a relationship simply by pulling back a little bit. If you act like you don't care one way or the other it gives him reason to come your way because he won't perceive you as needy.
If you call him everyday all the time and beg him to return your call, you lower your self worth. A real woman will get in touch with him when she has time available. He will have to revolve around her schedule. A little challenge - to have a piece of her time- will keep a man interested.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
THREE STEPS ON HOW YOU CAN GET OVER HIM
By Denician Angeleia
What do you do when the relationship is over? Do you feel sorry for yourself and go into hiding? Get drunk? Eat too much food - or stop eating completely? Or do you rack up high charges on your credit card to prove your self worth?
If you keep up bad habits leading to lower self-esteem, how are you going to be prepared for Mr. Right when he does come along? There is no easy solution to heal your broken heart, but with time, and by putting your priorities in perspective, you’ll make it through.
The first step to getting over your ex is expressing your anger, frustration and disappointment. Write down all your feelings in a diary, from wanting him back to wanting to egg or key his car. Some people like to write poems about their feelings, some draw pictures, or sing songs. Some like to talk about their feelings. If inviting all of your girlfriends over to have a pitch-fit party works for you, then do it. Experiment with the things you think will help you the most. In order to find peace, you must find your own sense of closure through some form of self-expression.
The second step to recovery is acceptance. Start purging yourself of keepsakes and possessions that serve as reminders of the relationship such as photos, letters, emails, and gifts. It’s time to accept the fact that the relationship wasn’t meant to be, and that you can do better. If you look for a man just to make you happy, you will continue to be disappointed. Make yourself happy.
The third and most important step is learning to loving yourself and taking the time to see what you want out of life for yourself. Start pursuing your childhood dreams and make goals for yourself. This step comes last because if you don’t release the anger, and accept the fact that you can do better, you can’t focus on yourself. Every time a thought of your ex pops into your head, you have to push that thought out of your mind and replace him with thoughts of your future goals.
Fulfilling your goals and dreams in life will make you feel good in two ways. You will receive spiritual and material satisfaction. The spiritual satisfaction builds up your self esteem and sense of self worth, and your material satisfaction not only satisfies your immediate needs, but brings those things that seemed so far out of reach closer to you so that you can be happy. You will be proud to accomplish your personal goals, dreams and desires without the help of a man. And you will have the satisfaction of knowing that your ex missed out on someone truly remarkable.
www.denicianangeleia.com
All rights reserved (c) 2006
What do you do when the relationship is over? Do you feel sorry for yourself and go into hiding? Get drunk? Eat too much food - or stop eating completely? Or do you rack up high charges on your credit card to prove your self worth?
If you keep up bad habits leading to lower self-esteem, how are you going to be prepared for Mr. Right when he does come along? There is no easy solution to heal your broken heart, but with time, and by putting your priorities in perspective, you’ll make it through.
The first step to getting over your ex is expressing your anger, frustration and disappointment. Write down all your feelings in a diary, from wanting him back to wanting to egg or key his car. Some people like to write poems about their feelings, some draw pictures, or sing songs. Some like to talk about their feelings. If inviting all of your girlfriends over to have a pitch-fit party works for you, then do it. Experiment with the things you think will help you the most. In order to find peace, you must find your own sense of closure through some form of self-expression.
The second step to recovery is acceptance. Start purging yourself of keepsakes and possessions that serve as reminders of the relationship such as photos, letters, emails, and gifts. It’s time to accept the fact that the relationship wasn’t meant to be, and that you can do better. If you look for a man just to make you happy, you will continue to be disappointed. Make yourself happy.
The third and most important step is learning to loving yourself and taking the time to see what you want out of life for yourself. Start pursuing your childhood dreams and make goals for yourself. This step comes last because if you don’t release the anger, and accept the fact that you can do better, you can’t focus on yourself. Every time a thought of your ex pops into your head, you have to push that thought out of your mind and replace him with thoughts of your future goals.
Fulfilling your goals and dreams in life will make you feel good in two ways. You will receive spiritual and material satisfaction. The spiritual satisfaction builds up your self esteem and sense of self worth, and your material satisfaction not only satisfies your immediate needs, but brings those things that seemed so far out of reach closer to you so that you can be happy. You will be proud to accomplish your personal goals, dreams and desires without the help of a man. And you will have the satisfaction of knowing that your ex missed out on someone truly remarkable.
www.denicianangeleia.com
All rights reserved (c) 2006
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
RESULTS OF VIOLENT RELATIONSHIPS
After 7 years of marriage and 3 kids, a florida woman, Sandra, (37) was told by her abusive husband that he would feed her body to the alligators, then laughed it off like he was kidding. A week later, her body was found in a canal.
Debbie (28) was murdered after allowing her abusive ex-husband back into her life. She was beaten, strangled, and stabbed.
Marsha,(30) mother of 1 child was stabbed to death by her husband's mistress.
A man in Michigan chopped up his wife Tara's body because she was more successful than him. They had 3 kids together.
Jane (19) was stabbed by her husband (21) several times. He then gave the knife to his 2 year old and told him to "stab mommy."
Watch. Look. And listen to the signs in your relationship. DON'T BECOME NUMB. If bad things have happened to you, you can stop it from happening again.
It doesn't matter if you are working on your degree, have a great job, don't have a great job, have a big house, just gave birth, are pregnant, don't have money, he always threatens you but never does anything, or whatever the excuse, you need to get out of your situation. It's not good. You can always replace "things." You cannot replace your life. There is no coming back once he's killed you.
Don't tell him you are leaving and don't tell any of his friends. Only tell the 1 person that you can trust to help you leave. Don't ignore the signs!
Visit www.NCADV.org
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Married Men Chatting on the web
Is it unfaithful to chat online while you're married?
Well let's say you're married and have no kids, and you and your wife work different shifts. You get tired of watching tv and you want a little social interaction. You get on the net and you chat with a total stranger. The girl is cute and you have no intentions on meeting her because you find out she lives two hours away. Anyways you start chatting with her for fun and out of boredom.
The next day you get back on the net to play a game and you get an instant message from the woman you just met. You guys start typing away. Asking about each others dreams and fantasies and chit-chat about your problems. You feel relieved to be able to vent to a total stranger because you know you will never meet them and they won't tell your secrets because they don't know your wife and family. (And you don't have to pay a shrink.)
Fast forward to exchanging phone numbers and finally hearing the voice of the woman you poured your heart out to. A month later, she tells you that she's going to be in town. You can't believe it. You are excited to meet her, but also guilty because she doesn't know you're happily married. You secretly meet her anyway and you guys are physically attracted to each other. One thing leads to another and you're cheating. It started off completely harmless but now you're addicted. You call her more and more and you even take trips to meet her for a rendezevous. You're very careful about not getting caught, but you're wife finds out anyway and she threatens to divorce. All you can see is how much money you're going to lose in the divorce, so you break it off with the other woman and make it up to your wife.
You don't know what kind of bag the other woman is going to come out of. You don't know if the woman is crazy or what she might do to harm you or your wife. Just remember the web has a lot of information. She could find you and stalk you. Or worst case scenario, you could have contracted an STD from that first night with her.
TO AVOID ALL OF THAT. GET A LIFE AND GET A HOBBY. Join a sports team, a book club, join the big brother program, go to church, do anything but go to chat rooms.
Well let's say you're married and have no kids, and you and your wife work different shifts. You get tired of watching tv and you want a little social interaction. You get on the net and you chat with a total stranger. The girl is cute and you have no intentions on meeting her because you find out she lives two hours away. Anyways you start chatting with her for fun and out of boredom.
The next day you get back on the net to play a game and you get an instant message from the woman you just met. You guys start typing away. Asking about each others dreams and fantasies and chit-chat about your problems. You feel relieved to be able to vent to a total stranger because you know you will never meet them and they won't tell your secrets because they don't know your wife and family. (And you don't have to pay a shrink.)
Fast forward to exchanging phone numbers and finally hearing the voice of the woman you poured your heart out to. A month later, she tells you that she's going to be in town. You can't believe it. You are excited to meet her, but also guilty because she doesn't know you're happily married. You secretly meet her anyway and you guys are physically attracted to each other. One thing leads to another and you're cheating. It started off completely harmless but now you're addicted. You call her more and more and you even take trips to meet her for a rendezevous. You're very careful about not getting caught, but you're wife finds out anyway and she threatens to divorce. All you can see is how much money you're going to lose in the divorce, so you break it off with the other woman and make it up to your wife.
You don't know what kind of bag the other woman is going to come out of. You don't know if the woman is crazy or what she might do to harm you or your wife. Just remember the web has a lot of information. She could find you and stalk you. Or worst case scenario, you could have contracted an STD from that first night with her.
TO AVOID ALL OF THAT. GET A LIFE AND GET A HOBBY. Join a sports team, a book club, join the big brother program, go to church, do anything but go to chat rooms.
Women chatting with Married Men
What's the big deal with chatting with a married man?
Well let's say you're single and you're surfing the net because you're bored. You get tired of watching tv and you want a little social interaction. You get on the net and you chat with a total stranger. The guy's picture is cute and you probably won't meet him because you find out he's married. Anyways you start chatting with him for fun and out of boredem. We're all human and need some attention, so what's the harm?
The next day you get back on the net to play a game and you get an instant message from the man you just met. You guys start typing away. Asking about each others dreams and fantasies and you chit-chat about your problems. You feel relieved to be able to vent to a total stranger because you know you will never meet them and they won't tell your secrets because they don't know your friends and family.
Fast forward to exchanging phone numbers and finally hearing the voice of the man you poured your heart out to. A month later, he tells you that he's going to be in town. You can't believe it. You are excited to meet him, but also guilty because he's married. You meet him anyway and the physical attraction is mutual. You get what you want and he gets what he wants, and the wife doesn't find out, so everythings gravy. UNTIL 6 months later you go for a check up and find out that you tested positive for Aides. It wasn't the first time he cheated on his wife.
You are pissed. You want to stalk him down and beat the bastard with your bare hands. But you also realize that you made the choice to be with a married man.
TO AVOID ALL OF THAT. DON'T CHAT WITH MARRIED MEN. No matter how much money they have. You don't know what type of woman his wife is, or what he will do to protect his wife from finding out. Cheating senators & mayors have even gone as far as to kill their mistresses if they feel their marriage or reputation will be threatened. Besides, she gets more benefits than you, so don't cheapen yourself.
Many women make the mistake of thinking that just because he wants sex, he loves you. If he cheats on her sista, he will cheat on you too. When he says he sleeps on the couch, don't believe him.
Just be careful who you chat with and read my book "How to Get Over Him and Learn from Your Mistakes" to find out what to look for and avoid when dating. www.denicianangeleia.com
Well let's say you're single and you're surfing the net because you're bored. You get tired of watching tv and you want a little social interaction. You get on the net and you chat with a total stranger. The guy's picture is cute and you probably won't meet him because you find out he's married. Anyways you start chatting with him for fun and out of boredem. We're all human and need some attention, so what's the harm?
The next day you get back on the net to play a game and you get an instant message from the man you just met. You guys start typing away. Asking about each others dreams and fantasies and you chit-chat about your problems. You feel relieved to be able to vent to a total stranger because you know you will never meet them and they won't tell your secrets because they don't know your friends and family.
Fast forward to exchanging phone numbers and finally hearing the voice of the man you poured your heart out to. A month later, he tells you that he's going to be in town. You can't believe it. You are excited to meet him, but also guilty because he's married. You meet him anyway and the physical attraction is mutual. You get what you want and he gets what he wants, and the wife doesn't find out, so everythings gravy. UNTIL 6 months later you go for a check up and find out that you tested positive for Aides. It wasn't the first time he cheated on his wife.
You are pissed. You want to stalk him down and beat the bastard with your bare hands. But you also realize that you made the choice to be with a married man.
TO AVOID ALL OF THAT. DON'T CHAT WITH MARRIED MEN. No matter how much money they have. You don't know what type of woman his wife is, or what he will do to protect his wife from finding out. Cheating senators & mayors have even gone as far as to kill their mistresses if they feel their marriage or reputation will be threatened. Besides, she gets more benefits than you, so don't cheapen yourself.
Many women make the mistake of thinking that just because he wants sex, he loves you. If he cheats on her sista, he will cheat on you too. When he says he sleeps on the couch, don't believe him.
Just be careful who you chat with and read my book "How to Get Over Him and Learn from Your Mistakes" to find out what to look for and avoid when dating. www.denicianangeleia.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)